Tuesday, August 9, 2011

It had been almost a week since I'd talked to Mama. Other than a "hey" here or there in between her talking to John. I woke up today feeling okay. But then it went down hill. I went out with John for a little while, but within 10 minutes I knew that was a mistake. I felt sorry for myself. I felt sorry for everything. I felt premenstrual and sad and then it all fell apart after I got home. I cried. Crying because I miss my Daddy is an all-consuming cry. It's not like crying because I need to release. It's crying because there's nothing else I can do. Because I can't think or breathe or move. I thought about calling Mama. About calling Angie. But I couldn't do it. So Mama called me. She knows these things. She asked me if I feel him around me. I don't. I think because it would make it worse if I did feel him. It would hurt more. But Mama says he's around her. And Daddy guiding Mama is good enough for me.

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